


Just a Word

by chellefic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: kissbingo, Established Relationship, M/M, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-29
Updated: 2010-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-29 11:41:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/319508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chellefic/pseuds/chellefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A conversation with Sam has Castiel thinking. Set late in season five. For the Kiss Bingo prompt chest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Word

"Sorry," Dean says, as Cas lifts his ankle and settles it onto a pillow. "No sneaking away tonight."

No, they won't be leaving Bobby's for a motel room tonight, not with Cas unable to transport them and Dean unable to drive. "I wish I could heal you."

"It's just a sprain. I've had worse."

Cas knows this, but there is a corner of his mind where all he can see is Dean going down with a demon on top of him. The image is playing on a loop and he doesn't know how to stop it. "You should rest."

Dean doesn't rest enough. None of them do.

Dean smiles up at him. It's insincere, and before Dean can make a remark to go with the smile, Cas bends down and presses his lips to Dean's forehead, sending him to sleep. That, at least, he can still do.

Straightening, he finds Sam watching him from the doorway. Cas wonders how much he's seen, wonders why the idea of Sam seeing them makes him want to squirm.

Sam's bulk fills the doorway, preventing Cas from entering Bobby's kitchen without rudely pushing Sam aside first.

"You're sleeping together. You and Dean," Sam says.

Cas glances over his shoulder at Dean then back at Sam.

"I get why he wouldn't want to say anything, but you?"

"It's private," Cas says. He can't explain the impulse to protect Dean, to protect what they share, even from Sam.

It's possible Sam understands anyway, because he nods. "Loving Dean isn't easy. No one knows that better than I do. If you ever need to talk, I'm around."

"Thank you."

With a small smile and a nod, Sam reaches up and squeezes Cas's shoulder. Then he walks past Cas to the stairs and Bobby's spare room.

***

"What are you thinking about?" Dean asked, running his hand up the center of Cas's back. Almost a week has gone by, Dean's ankle is better and it's their first night alone in too long.

Cas makes an appreciative sound, because Dean's hand on his back always feels good, and squeezes Dean with the arm slung across Dean's middle. "Sam thinks I love you."

"Oh."

"I didn't tell him. He deduced that we've been having sex all on his own. He didn't seem bothered by it."

"He wouldn't be."

Dean is undoubtedly right. Sam will probably tease Dean about Cas eventually, but he's not likely to be bothered by Dean sleeping with a man, or an angel for that matter. "I've been trying to determine if he's right." Cas lifts his head and looks down at Dean. "The thought of you dying frightens me more than anything I can remember. Is that love?"

"I don't know. I'm not really an expert on love."

"But you love Sam and Bobby."

"It's different. Or it's supposed to be. I don't know; I was never good at this stuff."

"I would die for you."

Dean pushes away from him, sitting up with his back against the headboard. "Don't say that."

"It's true."

"No. There's been too much god-damned sacrificing. Dad. Me. You giving up heaven. No more sacrifices."

"All right," Cas says, looking directly at Dean. They both know he's only agreeing not to discuss it. That he'd still do it. In all likelihood will still do it.

"That's the problem with love. It makes people do stupid things, crazy things, things that just make everything worse. None of this would've happened if my father had just let me die."

"Perhaps. But he wouldn't have been John Winchester if he had let you die, anymore than you would have been Dean Winchester if you had let Sam die. Your devotion to one another is part of what defines you." Reaching out, Cas rests a hand on Dean's chest, feels him pull in a breath.

"Maybe." Dean says. "Maybe." He's quiet for a moment. Then he covers Cas's hand with his. "I don't know if I love you or you love me. And honestly, I don't care. All I know is that this matters. You matter. And I want you to have something before the end, something that's yours, something that makes you happy."

No one's ever wanted anything for him. In heaven Cas was another solider, nothing special or noteworthy about him. Here, he matters. Dean has given him that, and he wants to give Dean something in return, but all he has is himself, and Cas's life is a gift Dean will refuse.

Cas is certain he'll give it just the same.

"I want the same for you," Cas answers. Shifting so that he can rest against Dean, he presses a kiss to Dean's chest. He would like it to be a benediction, but he's not an angel anymore, not the way he once was. Now he's something else, and the kiss is simply an acknowledgment of who they are, of what they mean to one another, of the weight bearing down on them.

Dean's arm slides around his shoulders. Cas rests his cheek on Dean's chest and waits.


End file.
